Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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