Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize