i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
