when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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