she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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