Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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