The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
