I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
