I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
