At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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