I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
