Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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