I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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