when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
