Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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