we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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