On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
