I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
