i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
