yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
