Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
