the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
