On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
