you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
