If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
