mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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