Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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