he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
