i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
