Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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