We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
