you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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