a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened