Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
