Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.