My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
