8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
