I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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