so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
