Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
