I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
