dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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