I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
