I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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