What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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