Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
