Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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