gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
birth control should be required to get into college
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
