Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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