You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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