In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
