did you get engaged???
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Randomize
