guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
