piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
