One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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