My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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