I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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