You really coming over, don't trick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
