I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
kristin has been a bad kristin
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
