You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
