The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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