with your own penis?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
