I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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