i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He? As in you personified your dick?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
