ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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