Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
