how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
