Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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