I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And then he peed in my hair
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
